Here at Wonder Writers, we’re absolutely, positively 100% determined to support marginalised writers.
WE NEED DIVERSE BOOKS!
(Actual footage of us at work.)
We can’t say it enough. And by diverse books we mean diverse. Written by writers from all walks of life.
With this in mind, we’ll be running a free workshop where you can post your pitches to hone your skills and receive feed back ready for #DVPit. Simply post your #DVPit pitch in the comments below and we’ll give feedback on each one.
We’ll also randomly chose one lucky writer to win a free query critique!
What’s the catch? Simple. For every pitch you post we want you to give feedback on at least two other pitches. What could be better than writers helping other writers?
(We’d also love it if you followed us on Twitter and shared our tweets, sharing is caring – apparently.)
To ensure we have time to reply to you all, only pitches posted on Friday qualify for both feedback and entry into the query crit comp. Please be patient if we haven’t replied to you. We will. We promise. And that’s a Wonder Writers’ promise.
(We lied. This is the real footage of us working.)
Wonder Writers 
15 yo dyspraxic Annora must remove a deadly curse from her new, red shoes before a vengeful ghost uses them to possess her #DVpit #YA #OWN
Mystery shoes grant Annora grace, but could cost her soul. Dyspraxic MC + cute traceur + ghosts in #YA “The Red Shoes” retelling #Dvpit #OWN
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Hi! Your pitches sound intriguing! I think the second one has more urgency and seems to pull the reader in more if that makes sense. I wish you the best of luck with DVpit!! 🙂
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I very much like door #2! I had to google traceur, but that’s possibly only because I am old. ;0)
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I agree the 2nd one is better. Instantly makes me want to know more.
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Thank you for taking part in our #DVpit workshop 🙂 We’d also like to congratulate you on being the winner of the free query critique. So when you’re ready to send it over please email it to wonderwriters2017@gmail.com
Both pitches are really strong and I feel you could combine elements of both. The part about the cute traceur seems out of place with the rest of the pitch. I do love that element, but I wonder if mentioning them distracts from the heart of your story.
Granted grace by new shoes 15yo dyspraxic Annora must fight their curse before a vengeful ghost possesses her soul #YA Red Shoes #DVpit #OWN
– Jeanna
I agree with the feedback that your second pitch has a lot more urgency to it than the first pitch. Though both are good, and I feel a combination of the two could work really well. Though it isn’t essential, I like to know a main character’s age, so take that from the first pitch and amalgate the two as Jeanna has suggested above.
Great premise, plenty of personal stakes, and I love the comparison. Great work 🙂
– Emma
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Thank you both so much! I have just emailed my query. 🙂
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Gods cursed gamer Dax and want his musical power. He must leave friends captured by demons or lose his sanity. #A #F #LGBT M/M #Own #DVpit
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I like the first sentence. Very immediate. The second one might be better phrased “He can’t leave his friends, but helping them risks his very sanity.”
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This is good. I like Theresa’s suggestion for the second sentence, or you could try “He must decide which matters more: His sanity or his friends?” Or something like that.
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Thank you for taking part in our #DVpit workshop 🙂
I love the first sentence, but like everyone else, I think the second sentence doesn’t work as well. Also, I’m no expert, but I’m wondering if you need both the #LGBT & #M/M hashtags. I realise it’s important so agents can find your pitch, but will one do the job of both?
Gods curse gamer Dax for his musical power. Now his friends are trapped by demons but rescuing them risks his sanity. #A #F #LGBT #OWN #DVpit
– Jeanna
Intriguing pitch and concept 🙂 I think I would like to see more of a personal goal within the pitch as, like the feedback from others, the second line isn’t as focused as the opening line. I also agree with Theresa’s suggestion of using the word ‘risk’, this adds to the tension of the pitch.
Do you have any film or books you could use for comparisons?
Great pitch, well done 🙂
– Emma
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Hi! I’m no expert, so take this with a grain of salt, but my immediate thoughts are: Maybe focus this a bit more, or turn it into two different pitches. One could focus on the first half, and get into more about why it would be bad for the Gods to get Dax’s musical power. And for the second part, that could maybe be another separate pitch, but I wonder if it could possibly be turned around, like, Dax must (blank) to save his friends from demons, but that may cost his sanity. It makes the MC sound more heroic that way. Hope that helps! Good luck!
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Reblogged this on Courtney Larsen and commented:
Check this out!!!
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Aristocratic Genevieve struggles with the decline of monarchy.
Revolutionary Domenic is at the front of the fight for freedom.
Anarchist Louise Michel exploits each for her own ends.
Liberty, Equality Fraternity. Or death. Aristocratic Genevieve leaves behind everything for dashing revolutionary Domenic and War-torn Paris1871
Paris 1871 Aristiocratic Genevieve has given all to be with revolutionary Domenic. As Commune unravels, their choices push them apart.
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Hi! The second pitch really catch my attention! It seems to have a good balance of intrigue and info.
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Thanks for your input!
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Hi! For your first one, I think three characters might be a lot for a pitch, but I’m not sure. In the second one, I’m not sure about the words in the beginning and what they mean to the characters specifically. I like that the third one is the most specific, but I don’t know exactly what “commune unravels” means (maybe it is specific to your story, or perhaps I just suck at history), but from the three I get the feeling that political intrigue is involved. So maybe something like: Aristocratic Genevieve leaves everything for dashing revolutionary Domenic, but political forces seek to exploit them both. Disclaimer: historical is not my genre, so I’m just giving my opinion here. 🙂 Best of luck!
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Thanks! You too!
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Thank you for taking part in our #DVpit workshop 🙂
I love the second one! You could expand on the romance/death with this & still have room for the hashtag.
Liberty Equality Fraternity. Fatality? Aristocrat Genevieve risks all for dashing revolutionary Domenic in war-torn Paris 1871 #DVpit #A #R
– Jeanna
I think the second pitch has the most urgency and tension, though I like all three as each gives a slightly different angle on the plot/main crux of the story.
‘Commune unravels’ might be a bit bague or non-specific a term.
The opening of the third pitch combined with the first line of the second pitch would make it snappy.
Do you have any film/book comparisons you could use?
Great pitches, well done 🙂
– Emma
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13 y/o non-magical James must keep magical, older septuplet siblings from magic-stealing avenger, or become only child. #DVPit #MG #F
1 non-magical, self-conscious boy. 4 revenge seeking villains closing in. 7 lost septuplets to find. 0 room for failure. #DvPit #MG #F
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Hi James! These are both strong, but the first one sets up the conflict magnificently! The stakes are clear and compelling and it sounds like SUCH a fun read with magic and siblings. I hope DVpit goes well for you!
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Thank you for taking part in our #DVpit workshop 🙂
I don’t usually like pitches that list elements, but your second one works well because the focus is on your MC & what’s at stake for him. The first one uses the word magic or variations of it a lot. Could you find an alternative?
– Jeanna
Unlike Jeanna’s advice, I quite like a pitch with a list, it feels snappy and full of tension, just proving it’s all very subjective.
I prefer the second pitch as it sets up the personal stakes and goals nicely. But, I do like the fact that the main character is named in the first pitch, which makes it far more personal.
So maybe try… 13yo non-magical James. 4 revenge seeking villains closing in. 7 lost septuplets to find. 0 room for failure. #DvPit #MG #F
Have a think about possible film/book comparisons.
Great pitches, well done 🙂
– Emma
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HI James! Love the second one. It’s snappy!
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Hi! For your first one, I think three characters might be a lot for a pitch, but I’m not sure. In the second one, I’m not sure about the words in the beginning and what they mean to the characters specifically. I like that the third one is the most specific, but I don’t know exactly what “commune unravels” means (maybe it is specific to your story, or perhaps I just suck at history), but from the three I get the feeling that political intrigue is involved. So maybe something like: Aristocratic Genevieve leaves everything for dashing revolutionary Domenic, but political forces seek to exploit them both. Disclaimer: historical is not my genre, so I’m just giving my opinion here. 🙂 Best of luck!
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#AA Hollywood debutante fleeing incest is destined to be a Matron of a small NC town risks all to save the man who saved her. #NA #RealFic
Raped by her father Odie sets fire to the house. Fearing arrest she flees to find her mom finds love on the way & her HEA #AA #NA #RealFic
Frank and Odie, distant kin ensnared by family credo fall in love on three days ride to her mother’s matriarchal hometown #AA #NA #R #RealFic
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Thank you for taking part in our #DVpit workshop 🙂
It sounds like you’ve got a lot to pack in here and your story sounds like it’s highly emotional. What’s at stake for Odie? Give details about her goal and where the conflict is coming from.
Fleeing dad’s abuse, Odie sets fire to the house & finds unlikely love. Now she must save him from matriarch mother. #AA #NA #R #Realfic
– Jeanna
High stakes and a lot of emotional impact in these pitches. I personally like the second pitch best, I’m keen on having the main character named within the pitch as it immediately brings us into the personal journal of the character.
I would use a combination of the second pitch and the first, for example…
Raped by her father Odie sets fire to the house. Fearing arrest she flees to find her mom. Risks all to save the man who saved her. #NA #RealFic
– Emma
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Thank you ladies for the opinions, different as they may be. With a little compactiton I can fit Emma’s suggested tweet into 140 with all the #s needed. We’ll see, I’ll run it once in my Twuffer tweet scheduler.
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